The Wizard of Oz....A classic retold....Part 1

Entire cast of characters provided by Madame Alexander Wizard of Oz Collection.

One time there was this chick named Dorothy Gale. She was pretty pale and had a bad dog named Toto. He liked to chase cats. One time he, like, chased the town bitty's cat for about the 1,000th time. Her name was Miss Gulch. She was totally mad! They ran home when she yelled.

"Auntie Em! Uncle Henry! OMG! Help me!" she cried.

Uncle Henry was tired of all this drama, drama, drama! Where was this girl's mother, anyway? Whatever. Let her dog be in trouble. He really just wanted to retire. Auntie Em was tired, too, from counting chickens. Do you even KNOW how hard it is to count all those silly little yellow chirping chickens? Sheesh! There was no time for stupid teenage drama. "Go play with the ranch hands and just stay out of trouble for, like, 2 seconds!"

Miss Gulch came to the farm to take Toto away. She was angry all the time because she had a big nose and was ugly and had too many cats. "Give me that dog or the cops are comin'!"

"No! You are mean and ugly! You suck!"

Uncle Henry rolled his eyes. He was just sooooo tired of all this drama. Why couldn't she just go sneak a sip from the copper still like all the other rebellious teenagers? "Dorothy, give her the mutt. She makes large campaign contributions so she has the law on her side. Besides, the dog chow is gettin' expensive."

Auntie Em was tired of counting chickens and just couldn't take it anymore. Plus she was menopausal. "Elmira Gulch! If this wasn't a rated PG movie I would tell you what a beeotch you are!"

Fade to music *Da da tada da da daaaa...da da tada da daaaa*

"I'm taking this dog to the pound. He will never chase my cat again. I will be able to conquer the prize as the crazy cat lady once and for all! Mwhahahaha!!!"

Toto had other ideas. "I'm outta here. And when I get back to the farm I'm totally bitin' that Henry dude in the shin."

"OMG! Toto! You've, like, totally come home! We better make like a banana and split this joint before that ugly broad comes back!"

 

So the brat ran away. Then she decided to go in to some complete strange man's magic wagon. What? Yep. No stranger-danger lessons for Dorothy. But he made her realize home ain't such a rough gig by tricking her in to thinking her Auntie Em was sick. He was kind of a jerk because there was a big storm coming and he just ran her off right in to it.

To be continued....