Basically, I have a lot of children. I just didn't birth all of them.
I'm missing an important one this year. The one who most certainly would have already called me with a beaming, "Mam! Momma! Mommy!" when I answered the phone. I also don't get to see my mom's face light up as I planted flowers all over her yard for Mother's Day. So my heart hurts today.
I also have TWO important ones to celebrate this day with. Two children that still make my heart ache with the kind of love a mom has specifically for them. Nathan and Lindsay are the reason I will post about Mother's Day with happiness in my heart and gratefulness that they are here with me to hug a little tighter. They can bring peace to my fragile heart like nobody else can right now. They are the connection I have to the one who is no longer here. When I hug them, I hug their brother.
But there is truly so much more to them than that. As I've watched them navigate their own journey since losing their best friend it warms my heart how they've grown to appreciate each other more. There was a time when these two didn't speak to each other. It broke this momma's heart. I prayed for their relationship and that they would find a way to have peace with each other and become better friends. Not best friends. I'm not sure these two could be that for each other....it's been a loooooong childhood with them. lol! But as adults who have experienced the same, difficult loss it has brought them together.
Nathan is my strong-willed, tenacious, stubborn, funny child with a wonderfully soft heart. You would never know it by the wall of toughness he throws up to keep from getting emotional. But this guy is a softie. He's loyal. He's generous. He's a pain in the butt.
Lindsay is my strong-willed, stubborn, silly child who wears her emotions on her sleeve. She struggles with the likes of depression and some other difficult diagnosis, but that girl is driven and focused on getting out of bed every. single. day. to try and make it better than the last one. But most importantly she is a wonderful mother to my grandson. He tests her on the daily, but her love for that little guy is evident in everything she does. He is the center of her universe. He is her everything.
For everything my children are AND are not, I celebrate being their mom today. I'm so very thankful to God that I was given the beautiful gift of motherhood. It hasn't always been easy. In fact, this year has been the most difficult of all my years. But it is always rewarding. I just have to be sure to look with my eyes and heart wide open.
I love you, NayNay and Missy. You are my world and I'm so very happy and proud to be your mom. today and every. single. day.