Dear Carly,

I was given a writing assignment at work to describe what my life looks like when things are in harmony. Or out of harmony. I had the entire thing written and it was a beautiful piece of editorial genius, perfectly describing how my heart aches when relationships are struggling, both personally and professionally. Or how it sings when my family can spend an afternoon together and laugh and have a good time. Or how easy things flow and creative ideas emerge when working relationships are so in-sync. And how my life hasn't felt in complete harmony with anything since Cody died.

Then you were born. And my words didn’t quite make sense anymore.

Carly Ann Pryor  -  2 hours old

How a tiny precious little life can make my heart sing again is surely a gift from God Himself. The joy that I had been missing since July, 2016 came flooding back the moment I held you. I had been searching for it. Waiting for it. Hoping it would find it's way back to me. There were many happy moments, but the true joy I use to have in every day things was simply absent.

Then you were born.

All of these things I thought described what I needed in order to have harmony made no sense once joy returned. It was joy...the key ingredient for me to feel my life is harmonious. There are so many things that used to bring me joy that were lost once grief took over. But now that I've felt that spark again? The happiness-on-steroids jolt of joy I felt the first time I held you? I realized it was the one thing still missing for complete harmony.

Harmony can be described in many ways, but the most common definition is relative to music and the combination of pitches and tones to form a pleasing musical sound. Your sighs and gurgles in harmony with my son's goo-goo noises and baby talk is filling my heart with joy and it is truly the best music in my life right now. You have changed his whole world, his perspective, his priorities, his definition of love. I watched your daddy melt as the nurse put your tiny self in to his arms. My heart was full.

Is my life in perfect harmony? No. Is anyone's? No. But now that a sense of it has returned, however brief, I have hope that it will come around more often. And now that you are finally here I sense "more often"  is an understatement.

Thank you for filling my heart with joy and giving me hope that the days ahead will fill the voids from grief. They are already filled with love, laughter, goo-goo noises, hope and excitement as we watch you grow and wrap us all up in your cuteness. I love you to the moon and back, my sweet granddaughter. 

Love,
Mae