Tuesday, June 16, 2009

I could have never been a 50's housewife


Just one look at this advertisement picture (circa 1952) and I get all sweaty and nervous. There are soooo many things wrong with this:


1. Looks like her husband is actually washing her car for her.
2. Two-slice toaster? What? And it certainly doesn't look big enough for bagels.
3. Where's the dishwasher?
4. A dress to do the dishes. A dress, people. (work with me...I know it's an apron, but you KNOW it's a dress. It's the 50's. C'mon!)
5. Waaaay too much happiness involved with washing that pan.
6. Singing to the dishes.
7. I can't even identify WHAT the large pot is next to the percolator.
8. There is a percolator. And I highly doubt it is a self-measuring, bean-grinding, auto-shut off percolator.
9. Her husband is washing her car for her.
10. Her outfit is seriously clashing with the color scheme of her kitchen.
11. The color scheme of this kitchen. *hurl*
12. The stainless steel sink/countertop looks like something from the school cafeteria.
13. I see clean utensils on the countertop and not in the toolbox of the garage where most good utensils are kept at my house. (I've gone plastic...)
14. I don't think that pan has an appropriate no-stick surface.
15. Where is the iPod/iPhone/MacBook?
16. Her husband is washing her car for her, but seems to be way more invested in watching his wife oogle over her reflection in the stainless steel pan. Okay, that part seems more real.

One can make many other assumptions about this picture. It had to be a weekend since the husband is actually doing something other than sitting on his butt reading the paper after work while his wife slaves away in the kitchen cleaning up from the dinner that was on the table when he walked in the door. Because isn't that what husbands did in the 50's?

I don't slave in the kitchen.

Ask my family. They will confirm this if you have doubts.

We can also assume that she is not allowed out of the house since she has no wedding ring on and we all know how shameful that whole living situation would have been in the 1950's and no doubt was the subject of gossip at many ladies' bridge club meetings. The shame of it! *GASP!*

I'm guessing they don't have children yet, either. Mainly because I don't see them clinging off her apron strings and there aren't any visible grease marks on the cupboards/oven/sink. Okay, maybe that only happens at my house. But still....

Is it wrong that I actually know what a percolator is?

And I have to assume that this is after dinner. Nobody is that damn perky in the morning. Well, not me anyway. And certainly not my father. Or my mother. I already explained that here. Kelly Ripa might be....but I doubt she has to do her own dishes, regardless of those commercials she's in.

Kelly Ripa would have been a great 50's housewife.

Monday, June 15, 2009

So how are those New Year's Resolutions going?

Yeah. Ummm. Hmmm. Well....this is what I started out with:

Pray more
Forgive more
Read more
Exercise more
Laugh more
Worry less
Judge less
Spend less
Work less

And this is what I've managed to accomplish thus far....at the half-way point:
Pray more
Forgive more
Read more
Exercise more
Laugh more
Worry less
Judge less
Spend less
Work less

I haven't read more because I didn't work less. I'm trying to worry less by taking a vacation in December that I already booked so I guess I failed at spending less.


And that whole judging less? I think I really have gotten better. So I guess I *have* judged less....but I've got some work to do.

Don't judge me.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

The funniest joke EVER

Okay...so I need to update with SOMETHING so I'm going to tell you my favorite joke of all time. If you know me well, you already know which joke it is. If you don't know me well enough, it will explain a lot about me after you read it.

And yes, I'm serious....it's my favorite joke of all time.

So this horse walks in to a bar and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Get it?
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